UFO part 2

It's been pointed out that the circled spots are probably raindrops on my windshield. That would make my UFO a raindrop that is reflecting dark from the background. My overactive imagination at work!

UFO?

I took this picture on the way home last night. The train was going over the highway and I thought it might make a good picture. When I got home and looked at it I noticed the orb flying under the train. What is it? Funny thing is that I didn't see it when I took the picture.

On my way to work this morning I looked again and saw no orb or anything that would have looked like it.

What in the world could it be?

Declaration of Revocation

Declaration of Revocation
by John Cleese
To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.

Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters.

You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."

You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.

Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up “vocabulary." Using the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "uhh", "like", and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

Look up "interspersed."

There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old

enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary, then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier).

You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents --- Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.

While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters.

British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football." There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.

The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.

Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).

We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005.

You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day."

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call 'French fries' are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.

Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling "beer" is not actually beer at all, it is lager . From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine." This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in the Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or "gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon -- get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by

adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation.

Data instead of voice

With the way wireless Voip is coming. We may purchase data plans for cell phones and then make voice calls through Voip. Just another twist.

This is funny

My 2 seconds part 6

Second scene adventure part 2

They first shot the crowd coming into the auditorium. They selected some of us to walk in from the hall. I was selected with several others in the balcony. When they called "action" we were to find our seats. After the first take our balcony director took us aside and told us "don't everyone walk in a straight line. We want it to look like people are arriving at different times.

I was the only one who listened. When they called "action" again I meandered behind everyone else. When I got over to where Ron was sitting I pointed at my seat as if I was saying "is that seat taken?". Our balcony director started calling me "The Man".

It was interesting to me how much work was involved. They shot several different camera positions for every scene. They would shoot from the front of the stage. Then move behind the actors and shot again. Then they would move the cameras out in the crowd and shot them again. Both days we spent 12 plus hours there and it only made a few minutes of actual movie time. There was a point where the DP had them change the cameras around and Ron nudged me and said " Something caught The DP's eye".

At one point we took a short break. It was getting hot inside the auditorium, so I decided to head outside for some air. I would up at on of the side entrances with some 15 to 20 people smoking. At one point someone who worked for the school comes busting out the door. He's yelling and cussing about the smoking. He threatens to arrest everyone who is smoking. The Background Assistant Kenyon (who happens to be smoking out there) says to him "your going to arrest half the crew and cast?" He says" The fire marshal was there and he was having a fit. I'll arrest every one of you." Kenyon says" we've been here for 3 days and there hasn't been a problem yet".

Now the image that shoots into my head is that this small town of Paulsboro would have the equivalent of the 2 room Andy Griffith Show jail cell. I'm imagining 100 or so people being stuffed inside this tiny jail. Rather funny sitcomish image.

At some point in the afternoon some of the extra start leaving. This is not good. At the beginning of the day we were told that if you couldn't stay all day then they would rather you leave now. If you could be seen on camera in one shot and then you disappeared in the next, that would screw up the continuity of the movie. So many people left that by the end of the day there was no one in the balcony. They took us from the balcony and filled in where there were holes in the floor section. I wondered if there were any movies that were screwed up by extras leaving. Do they just accept that a good portion of the people will leave or do they go into every scene hoping for the best?

When we were getting ready to go back to the set for the last scene, some of the extras were trying to leave. There was a group of them that were just refusing to go back. One of the crew radioed to I believe the 2nd AD and told him what was going on. He came back and said don't let them leave no matter what. One lady piped up and said pay us. He radioed back and the AD said sure whatever just don't let them leave. So that group along with the rest of us proceeded back to the auditorium. I nudged Ron and said "they bought that? Like the person on the radio had any authority to do that." I also noted when we left that they didn't have us check out so there was no way they knew who stayed and who didn't.

Some of the last stuff shot was the crowd clapping at the end of the performance. It was late and there was one woman behind us that kept (very loudly) complaining. To the point that me and Ron at several points almost said something to her.

Well this is where I'll end this story. I had a blast being an extra in this movie. In case anyone from Jersey Girl reads this, I want to express my thanks for letting me be part of it. I also want to thank all who were helpful to me getting there. Family and friends were very supportive and I thank them very much.

A lot of the articles I linked to are HERE and there are a lot more if anyone is interested in reading more about this movie and the people involved. The gentleman who conducted these interviews was also an extra in the two scenes I was in.

My 2 seconds part 5

Second scene adventure

Me and Jason headed out on our road trip to New Jersey. I let Jason drive around Baltimore. We hit it around rush hour. Traffic was going over 90 mph! Jason was doing good at keeping up. I was shocked that my van could go 90!

We got to the motel. Checked in with Ron and Monique. We made plans for all of us to drive to the set, then Jason and Monique were going to do some site seeing.

We were dropped off at a industrial parking lot. Then we were being bussed to the set. On the drive over I sat next to a gentleman who saw the tag on my bag that had my address on it. He said "you're from Ohio?" I told him I was. He said " see that white picket fence? That's my back yard." I introduced him to Ron and told him he was here from Canada.

We got to the Paulboro High School. We proceeded into the gymnasium which was being used as our holding area. On the way into the gym I saw Steven Root getting some breakfast at the craft services truck.

We did the wardrobe check again. They had some tents set up in the gym for changing rooms. There is a picture of the crowd over HERE.

We were taken to the auditorium of the school. We were the crowd that was attending the school production in the movie. Me and Ron were put in the balcony. Picture from the stage HERE.

Kevin came out and gave us our direction. He told us we were the crowd at an elementary school production. He introduced the actors to us. George Carlin, Liv Tyler, Steven Root, Mike Starr, Ben Affleck, Racquel Castro, and Betty Aberlin were all going to be in the scene.Each actor had his or her own "stand in" that would stand where the real actors would for the cameras to get set up.

Kevin asked if there were any questions. He said "what's a nubian?" to which the crowd laughed. That was a line from Chasing Amy. One guy yelled "can we look affeck in the eyes?". Kevins answer " no, never". Which brought on laughter.

To be continued....

My 2 seconds part 4

first scene adventure part 2

The first part that was shot was Ben Affleck's character running into the Hard Rock with baby carrier in tow. Now I had been placed at the back of the Cafe, and thought there is no way I'll ever be seen on camera. With his entrance the camera panned right across where I was standing (thus the 2 seconds of camera time that I have in this movie). They shot several takes, and several angles. They were using a plastic baby for this part.

Another advantage we had for being in the back, was we were close to the camera action. The Producer Scott Mosier, Director Kevin Smith and DP Vilmos Zsigmond were busy scurrying around behind where we were.

At one point we broke for lunch. The lunch was very nice. We were in our tented holding area for lunch. Afterwards, the group I was hanging out with went outside the tent to chill. Laura took off to go to the bathroom and when she did, we noticed Ben Affleck talking on his cell phone not 5 feet from where we were. She noticed him and did a back step to let us know.

While standing there we saw Kevin Smith's daughter playing catch with someone. Then Kevin and his wife arrived and she ran over giving them hugs and kisses. It was very sweet. The building around us had gathered some onlookers in the windows.

After lunch we went back for more of the scene. There were infant twins that were playing the part of the daughter in this scene. At one point we were informed that we were limited on time because the children could only be on camera for so long.

The next stuff that was shot was Ben's character trying to keep us reporters calm and busy until Will Smith was to arrive (he wasn't actually coming, just for the scene). The child was to be crying and Ben's character had to bring her out on stage.

When they would cut, I expected him to hand off the baby to someone, but instead he stood there making faces and talking to the infant. It was really sweet and I think he is going to make a good Dad (side note. He and Jennifer Garner are expecting at the writing of this story).

One thing that really struck me about Affleck was his ability to hit his lines. He had to say the same thing over and over, and he hit his mark every time.

We had some other breaks in between them setting up different shots. During one of our breaks we met Tina who worked for SNL. She was an artist for the show.

At one point someone's cell phone did ring during a scene and as soon as they cut it was "please turn all cell phones off".

There was some stuff that was shot this day that did not make it into the final cut of the film. Some of which I personally thought was funny and hope that if there is a special edition on DVD, that they will include as deleted scenes.

We shot way into the night. Which was kind of surreal. I went outside at one point and it was really dark. From inside it looked like it was still noon, because of the HMI lighting.

At the end of the night, we all got in line to leave. They were giving out parking voucher. So the $21 all day parking was taken care of by the Movie. When I was in line I started a conversation with the woman in front of me. She asked me where I was from and I said Ohio. To which she asked "Are you Shawn?" It was Tina who introduced me and Ron. I called Ron over and introduced them in real life.

To be continued.....

My 2 seconds part 3

First scene adventure

I made the drive from Ohio to New Jersey. On they way I got a call from the casting company giving me the details on where to go. I got my hotel room. I gave Ron a call, and went over to his room for us to meet, in real life, for the first time.

The next morning got up and we had arranged to meet in the parking lot. We had to be on set around 9:00 am. Laura, Max and Ron met me at my van, and we were off.

We had been instructed to go to an area downtown that was sectioned off for the movie. When we got downtown there were signs directing us to a parking garage.

There was a large tent set up as a holding area. We registered and got our badges that we needed to identify ourselves as extras. We were told to not loose them as we may not be permitted back in without them.

We had to sign confidentiality forms, stating that we wouldn't tell the world every detail that we saw.

Then we had to get inline for a wardrobe check. We had been told to bring several options. They had also given us a list of don'ts (wardrobe and no cameras/autographs,In other words-leave the actors alone). The dress code was 80's business casual. I had brought a couple of shirt options and a tie ( I hate ties so I was hoping they would let me get by with just a dress shirt). When it was my turn to get my wardrobe checked the lady looked at what I had on and what I had brought. She wanted me to put on the shirt and tie (NOOOOO!). I was directed to the dressing trailer to change.

On my way to the trailer I saw Ernest O'Donnell, who has played in several of Kevin Smith's other movies. Probably best know as Rick Derris from Clerks. My thought was "cool they are going to have some real actors here".

I had about convinced myself that we wouldn't see any actors. The scene I had in my head went like this......." Ok everyone you are the crowd and we need you to react to Ben Affleck's lines. He was here yesterday and we filmed him. Today Joe here is going to read his lines and we want you to react. " So at the point I saw real actors running around, I was pleasantly surprised.

It was rather cold. After everyone was wardrobe appropriate, we were taken in groups to the set. None of us knew where they were taking us. While we were waiting I asked Ron if he took any offence to the jokes in the Clerks cartoon that were directed at Canada. He said "all in good fun". What a great attitude. All of us were hoping for inside( it was that cold). They took us to the Hard Rock Cafe. There where cheers for we were going inside.

Outside the Hard Rock was a huge HMI light. We were taken inside and put in place. The tables and chairs had been removed and we were just crowded in the middle of the Cafe.

After we had been standing there a while, Kevin Smith came out to give us our direction. He tells us that we are reporters waiting for Will Smith, who is late. He made a joke that it might be hard for us to act that we were waiting (which we already had been doing). He also instruct us to not look the actors in the eyes, especially Affleck. Which got a good laugh from the crowd. We were given further instructions like turn cell phone off or on vibrate only.

Some of the extras were given fake cameras to operate. They passed out some press kits on Will Smith for us to be holding. Some of the extras were given fake film crew jobs. The press kits were surprisingly detailed.

The atmosphere between all the extras was very friendly. While we waited many conversations were started. We found some people who were trying to get in to the movie business and were extras in other movies. We found some people who were locals. They saw an add in the paper and sent in their pictures. Then those like me, who were fans of Kevin Smith and sent in pictures from the web site.

To be continued..

My 2 seconds part 2

After I got everything set, I sent emails to a dozen or so people who had posted on News Askew that they were going to be extras. I was trying to find information about the areas we were going to be in(i.e. hotels, parking costs, etc.). The one day I was going to be in Philladelphia PA and the other in Paulsboro NJ. The days were a week apart. I decided to drive back home after the first and then drive back for the second.

The casting company wasn't allowed to give us any details (where exactly were shooting, how long we would be there, etc.). They were trying to keep out the Paparazzi and swarms of fans.

I got an email from Tina who lived in the Philly area. She told me that if we were downtown, it could cost $15 to $20 for allday parking. Being that things were going to be tight for me to work out these two trips, I was going to share whatever cost with others that I could.

Tina introduced me to Ron who is from Manitoba Canada (he has some pictures over at his site). He and his fiancé (Monique) were flying in and going to spend the week in the area. He was looking for people to rideshare/costshare. Tina email introduced us and we got set to share rides.

I also got in touch with a couple who were driving in from St. Louis MO( Laura and Max). They were interested in sharing a ride also. So I was set for the Philly trip. I had me and 3 others going to rideshare into the city. We all were staying in the Cherry Hill area of NJ.

The Paulsboro trip needed some arrangements. Ron was staying for that shoot as well, so we were going to rideshare for that one also.

My friend Jason, was trying to get me and my wife to do a long weekend getaway with him and his wife. I told him that with the 2 trips I was already taking, that money would too tight for me to afford another trip. He offered to drive with me to Paulsboro. That way we could drive up, stay the night. Then after the shoot, drive right back. This would save me the expense of 2 nights in a motel. I agreed and we were set.

To be continued......

My 2 seconds of fame?

My motion picture debut. The movie is Jersey Girl and I was an extra. I had a blast doing this. I was in the movie for 2 scenes. This is the only one you can actually see me. If it wasn't for pause, you would miss me entirely. Here is the story of how it came to be....

I am a fan of Kevin Smith's movies. Ever since I saw Mallrats for the first time I was hooked. I had become a regular visitor to the News Askew web site. The official site for Kevin Smith news. I was checking in every week or two.

One day in 2002 they posted that they were accepting photos for possible extras. I thought "hey, wouldn't that be cool. Get to be in a movie." My conundrum was that after 15 years of having long hair, I had just gotten it cut short. This left me with no accurate pictures of myself.

As fate would have it, I was being "locked up" by the MDA to raise money. When they locked me up, they dressed me in prison stripes and took a photo of me behind bars. There was my picture, my one shot to get into the movie.

Several weeks later I came home and there was a message on the answering machine. It was an intern at Mike Lemon Casting wanting to know if I could be available for 2 dates. I was ready to bust. This was a shock to my wife as I hadn't told her I sent in the picture.

I checked with my boss about taking the necessary days off work, and it was set. I called, confirmed and gave them my contact information.

To be continued.......

MY cell phone is dead, wait let me pee on it.

Article on Urine-powered cell phone batteries. YUK!

New technology JERK-O-METER

This new software will tell you when your being a jerk on the phone. I'm thinking it might be going off all the time on me!

Text message translations

For those who have trouble understanding the text messages that you are sent. This is a searchable dictionary of text slang.

Cellular insanity may be coming to a close

Texas instruments has announced a new chip that will lower the cost of cellular handsets. This could be the begining of the carriers offering inexpensive handsets at no contract. NO Contracts would mean happier customers. No more customers getting mad because they damaged their phone, and didn't realize they couldn't get one at sale price.

BUT, knowing the industry, they will not do away with contracts. They are convinced the only way to make money is to lock people into contracts. Funny, the telephone company didn't have to lock people into contracts and they flourished.

I challenge the cellphone industry to sell the handset at their worth and the customers will respond positively. I even think it could increase sales, as there are those people who avoid cellphones because of the contracts.

Free iPods

Click the link. Sign up on one of the deals. Get 5 friends to do the same and COOOL... Free iPod sent to you.

Data Vs. Voice

I see the cellular industry heading for a change. One day soon instead of choosing a voice plan and adding data to it, you will chose a data plan and add voice to it.

Me being the data dependent person that I am, will be tempted to buy data and no voice. As text messaging and mobile email evolve the necessity of having a voice plan will decrease.

I use my phone 85% for data and 15% for voice.